Q&A from Twitter

Hey sweethearts of my life, how are you all? I’ve been so preoccupied with Instagram that I completely neglected my Twitter and I have had so many questions from all you wonderful and cherished hons out there that I thought I would take the time to talk about me for a change and answer your tweets:

They are both beautiful, cherished and sweethearts. Yes, my nanny is vacant, but she cant help it, its just the way she is. Anyway, what do you mean, I dont have a nanny. Love Miranda xxx

Thank you hon. I will do whatever it takes to help this planet and if somthing like a yoga class can do that then I will do it. The dinosaurs should have done more yoga and bought some KOLA Orgasmics, then they may still be here, acting all cute and funny. Love Miranda xxx

Thank you hon. Im already blessed, genetically, financially and in every other way you can think of. Dont worry about it sweetheart, the commandments were only made for a film anyways. Love Miranda xxx

You speak the truth.  Actually I poop fairy dust and urinate smelted platinum, but you were almost right so for that you get a free sample of our KOLA Orgasmics Elbow Grease. Just send me your email address and Ill email it to you. Love Miranda xxx

Hi Jared sweetheart. Can I pay with Paypal this time? Im low on funds because the paps are costing an arm and a leg. Love Miranda xxx

Well, Im giving Flynn until he is 5 to see how much publicity he can generate. If he does well then no but if he doesnt then, Ill see what I can do😉 Love Miranda xxx

Hon, imitation is the best form of flattery. Why report them? Do what I do and ignore them, turn the other cheek, rise above it and become the better person. Besides, I dont think they say anything that isnt true anyway. Love Miranda xxx

Thank you very much. I think Im already a member of your forum but I pretended to be a friend of mine saying how lovely I was. I think you should just make it about me and scrap the Orlando part. Love Miranda xxx

Of course its Buddhism, just a modern version. I mean, who shaves their heads and takes vows of celebacy nowadays? No one. You live in the dark ages sugar, welcome to the 20th century! Love Miranda xxx

Mummy!! So glad you are using the Coochy Wash, it should sparkle now. I been trying to call you for 2 hours and you arent answering. I take it you have gone out with Dadda or holding Mattys hair back while he vomits in the loo from too much lager. Or maybe Dadda is in the bath with you😮 dont let him use your coochy wash. Love Miranda xxx

Ok guys, I must go now. I hope you enjoyed me answering you questions. I always love talking about me so may do this again soemtime. I must dash, have to be pictured walking down the street. Love Miranda xxx

DISCLAIMER: This post was made possible thanks to lemmetweetthatforyou.

My new obsession… Instagram.

Hi beautiful, little light shining honies!! How are you all? I am super magnficent! I now have a new obsession!! First it was Facebook, then Twidder now its Instagram!! How cute is Instagram? Here are a few pictures I took of me, myself and I as well as other things and stuff:

My lunch today was super huge! This is my “piggy portion” as I decided to treat myself and indulge.

Another less interestng picture because Im not in it. I was doing a shoot for LoSalt and saw this animal that looked a little like a hairy human. I instantly thought of the KOLA Orgasmics raspberry lip balm that is currently on sale in Barry Whites chemist, priced $500.

Im so into organic food and lead such an organic lifestyle that I am now going to be wearing this. Like it? I will post a pic of me posing in it in a modest, slutty way on my Instagram next week. Bet you cant wait.

My dear non drug user, non alcohol user, non smoker brother Matthew. Here he is pretending to be a douche when in reality he is very responsible and sensible. He eats organic and says things like “hon” and knows everything about cosmetics and skin care. Not at all a childish and immature individual, no!

Anyway sweethearts, I must be off now as little Flynnie is calling me and has picked me the most beautiful plant, I think they call it a cactus. He is holding the huge thing in his hands and is crying with joy as he is running to me. Remember my cute sunflowers, let your little, tiny, minute light shine. Love, Miranda xxx

Mummy!!

Just to let everyone know, my MILF of a mum now has her own blog. You will find it here. She is so interesting and wise, she sprouts the same clichés as me and uses the same words (honey, sweetheart, blessed, let your little light shine etc). Go visit her blog if you want to read the same stuff I post. Love Miranda xxx

Just to clear something up…

Hey cute and gullible guys! How are you all? Yeah, whatever!! Id like to clear something up as I know a few of you are very upset. O recently did an interview with Vogue Italy, they asked him a few questions about yours truely and he gave some horrible and abusive answers. This is what Vogue Italy CLAIMS he said:

1. What is the style you prefer for Miranda? Classic, timeless, simple and uncomplicated

2. What is the essential/must have item of her look? White button down shirt

3. What is your favourite color for her? Black

4. Do you prefer trousers or skirt for her? Trousers

As if O would even dare say what he would demand I wear. These infact werent the actual questions he was asked, the interviewer asked completely different questions and used his answers to fit the above questions. The whole Q&A is far too harrowing and suggestive of child abuse that it cant possibly be real. Here are the actual questions he was asked:

1. What kind of join-the-dot puzzles do you love doing? Classic, timeless, simple and uncomplicated

2. What were you sick down when you got pissed at you 7th birthday party? White button down shirt

3. What colour is Morgan Freemans scrotum? Black

4. What do you wear on your arms to keep them warm when you dont have a cardigan to hand? Trousers

See!! See how the answers make much more sense now? I mean as if O would prefer me in trousers when he can see my stick thin, shapeless, knock-kneed legs in a skirt! Glad I could clear that up. Love Therese xxx

Q&A Time

Hey Honeysuckle cuties! How are we all? Im just peachy. Just a quick post today as I dont have much time. Im about to get the tapeworm I swallowed removed. Great way to keep slim guys, you should try it. Anyway, my cuter than cute mummy was kind enough to do a little Q&A for me, hope you like it. You can all fill in this Q&A at the KOLA blog, no need to reply with it here because I really dont give a monkeys scrotum about your sad, pathetic, poor, unfortunate, not living the life like me lives. Love Miranda xxx

1.  What brings me joy? Money. Getting my clothes off/being naked. Designer clothes. People being jealous of me.
2. What is my purpose? To bring joy to peoples lives. To help people live their lives the way they should. To help men and women alike wank.
3. What is my intent in my life? To make as much money as possible and to be more famous than the most famous person in the world,like, ever!
4. Am I honoring myself by listening to my inner voice/inner knowing?  It is always the truth and cannot lie. I do listen to my inner voice. It has a cute voice, I cant ignore cute voices! I will pass on the second part of the question.
5. Who do I surround myself with and Why? People who fawn over me and/or do what I say/tell them. Self explanitory.
6. What are my boundaries?  Do I need to set new ones? None. I have no boundaries.
7. How do I show myself self-love?  I can only receive pure love from others if I give it to myself first. Hehe, well I rub my lady parts with organic celery while either looking in the mirror or at a picture of myself. 
8. Am I living in a place of strength and abundance? Well I am strong. Very strong. I can head lock a man until he agrees with me and throw them across the room while they sob uncontrollably.
9. What am I scared or afraid of if I continue doing the same thing or if I change and follow my hearts calling. I am afraid of being poor because with my lifestyle I need money.
10. What’s the worst that can happen if I let go of fear, guilt, limitations, and fully live in my own unique truth. Ive never felt guilt in my life! Even when I used Matty’s love milk in KOLA.
11. What’s the best that can happen to me and the ones I love if I choose to really follow my heart and live!? I already do it but I dont care about anyone else but me.
12. What do I truly and deeply love doing??? Partying, posing, getting naked, sticking my bottom out, conning people, making money.
13. How can I do something that helps others and still be passionate and enlivened by my choice fully. Keep making KOLA because that stuff changes peoples lives as well as stealing affirmations as my own. An affirmation a day keeps the insanity away.
14. Last but not least! What is it that I dare not speak aloud that I really really want to do with my life if I could do anything? If I told, people wouldnt buy KOLA or the Kerr-Bloom love story anymore. Must keep my mouth shut, for once in my life.

What a year!!

Hi sugary sweet and diabetes enduced cute honey guys!! Its been so long. Ive been amazing and blessed thanks for asking!! Its almost Christmas. Doesnt it come round so fast? It seems like you get one year out of the way, then another one is round the corner! A lot has happened this past year as you know. KOLA finally got certified orgasmic even though its been certified orgasmic for 2 years and is now huge as it goes on sale in chemists in Australia. Fling was born and is almost one year old. In his short life, he has travelled more than most adults will in their entire lives. Fling met some of my family for the first time while it was all being filmed for TV. Fling celebrated his first Halloween with his nanny… I mean adult friend while I partied all night and O did his own thing. I got my kit off again, I am a rose, not a sunflower after all!!  More importanly than all that put together – I got the VS Fantasy Bra while the whole world applauded me and were jealous of me. I cant wait to show Fling all my work when he grows up, I’ll invite all his male friends round and show them too. Oh, and I saw O’s mother the other week, well, she saw the back of my head as I walked ahead of her ignorantly but I could smell her and hear her slurps of ice cream devouring so I knew she was there.

Anyway hons, what have you been up to this past year, what are you doing for Christmas and what do you want for next year? Me? I will be spending Christmas in Australia with MY family. Next year is also the end of the world, dont forget to write it in your calendar but dont worry as I am so wonderful and perfect, me and my KOLA will rebuild and repopulate the planet once again!